***Today it is actually February 2nd. I'm post-posting this... I needed to process some life before I let this be something open for the public, whoever that may be who reads this. ***
I'm not an astrologer, just a student of cosmic wisdom, so I'll only say this. The skies... are a lot right now. Here are some intentions and thoughts.
Today I am not what I have or who I'm related to.
I am unlimited by my circumstances.
I dare to dream my life into existence, with a perspective as wide as I can manage.
I call on owl, eagle, and hawk, to help expand my awareness, fully.
I am not my limitations. No, I am not.
I am not the way I am moody and feel defensive on an evening when I'm having dinner and the conversation turns toward a triggering topic.
I am not the way my friends see me, or how my colleagues think of me.
I am not the way that I felt so powerless against Duke Energy and Dominion, and the ACP, that I didn't even go to the Duke Energy rate hike public hearing. I am not the way that I was hurting, too exhausted to show up. I am not the guilt I feel for prioritizing lying in bed with blankets over my head and headphones in my ears. I am not my inherent need to curl in and tune out.
I am not my sensitivity. Except when I am that.
I am not the breakouts around my mouth denoting that I have some difficult things to say that I'm holding in.
I am not the way that I feel un-abundant sometimes.
These are limitations, but I am not them.
I tie a pretty bow around yesterday and burn it to the ground.
It feels so good to start new, skin raw and flaking and healing fast. I call on lizard, skink and snake so that this process becomes back-of-hand as I morph, again.
I call on salamander, so that I survive a cleansing fire.
It feels so good to cry. My eyes are faucets and they say that there's a lot in me that needs to get out so it can be let go.
I am the way I feel when I hear a tree ask me to put hands on it, so I can learn a subtle bit of its energy. I am the way I feel when I lean against it, and recognize what support is.
I am the way it looks when raindrops hit the surface of a lake, coming from a still-sunny sky.
I am the way it was when I found two spirals amid decaying leaves on the ground. Not one, but two whole universes; so fragile they would crush beneath a foot or fallen branch in any second of any day.
But they hadn't.
I am the way it is with all beings, capable of creation and destruction in every moment.
In my life, lately, I feel overwhelmingly stuck. So on the move, that I feel caught in my everyday life. Suffering through.
I'm not happy but I keep waiting to get happier. Like something will shift and I won't have to step out into so many other levels of discomfort. I keep waiting, hoping that I get softer, or hoping that I won't have to say the hard words, or do the hard things.
To ask for the help I need. To make the jump.
I don't know what to do.
But so, on this Full lunar eclipse, within this intense portal of energy, I say this:
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to start. I'll begin. Suspended no longer. Baby stepping it.