January 31, 2018 The Full (Super Blue Blood) Lunar Eclipse in Leo

***Today it is actually February 2nd. I'm post-posting this... I needed to process some life before I let this be something open for the public, whoever that may be who reads this. ***

I'm not an astrologer, just a student of cosmic wisdom, so I'll only say this. The skies... are a lot right now. Here are some intentions and thoughts.

Today I am not what I have or who I'm related to.
I am unlimited by my circumstances.
I dare to dream my life into existence, with a perspective as wide as I can manage.
I call on owl, eagle, and hawk, to help expand my awareness, fully.

I am not my limitations. No, I am not.
I am not the way I am moody and feel defensive on an evening when I'm having dinner and the conversation turns toward a triggering topic.

I am not the way my friends see me, or how my colleagues think of me.

I am not the way that I felt so powerless against Duke Energy and Dominion, and the ACP, that I didn't even go to the Duke Energy rate hike public hearing. I am not the way that I was hurting, too exhausted to show up. I am not the guilt I feel for prioritizing lying in bed with blankets over my head and headphones in my ears. I am not my inherent need to curl in and tune out.

I am not my sensitivity. Except when I am that.

I am not the breakouts around my mouth denoting that I have some difficult things to say that I'm holding in.

I am not the way that I feel un-abundant sometimes.

These are limitations, but I am not them.

I tie a pretty bow around yesterday and burn it to the ground.


It feels so good to start new, skin raw and flaking and healing fast. I call on lizard, skink and snake so that this process becomes back-of-hand as I morph, again.

I call on salamander, so that I survive a cleansing fire.

It feels so good to cry. My eyes are faucets and they say that there's a lot in me that needs to get out so it can be let go.


I am the way I feel when I hear a tree ask me to put hands on it, so I can learn a subtle bit of its energy. I am the way I feel when I lean against it, and recognize what support is.

I am the way it looks when raindrops hit the surface of a lake, coming from a still-sunny sky.

I am the way it was when I found two spirals amid decaying leaves on the ground. Not one, but two whole universes; so fragile they would crush beneath a foot or fallen branch in any second of any day.
But they hadn't. 

I am the way it is with all beings, capable of creation and destruction in every moment.

In my life, lately, I feel overwhelmingly stuck. So on the move, that I feel caught in my everyday life. Suffering through.
 

I'm not happy but I keep waiting to get happier. Like something will shift and I won't have to step out into so many other levels of discomfort. I keep waiting, hoping that I get softer, or hoping that I won't have to say the hard words, or do the hard things.
 

To ask for the help I need. To make the jump.
 

I don't know what to do.
 

But so, on this Full lunar eclipse, within this intense portal of energy, I say this:
 

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to start. I'll begin. Suspended no longer. Baby stepping it.

January 19, 2018

At this precise moment, I'm sitting in my favorite chunky sweater, pajama pants, and eating gummy bears, in the middle of a "gif party" on GroupMe with some of my favorite people I've ever had the pleasure to work with.

I'm in sheer excitement. Later tonight I'll gather with those folks, and a group of Charlotte- area teens to begin our Visual Art Experience sessions. I'm a supporting advisor this time, for PFO, in a visual art group. Since the teens aren't aware of the details of our project yet, I'll only say this: that it's fibers-based.

To be in this position, to make art for a living, in service to higher good for my community, is at essence purity of blessing. I can sense the magic here; I am in awe of it, and in awe that I'm a part of it. 

That I find myself as a member of this project, in a place in my life that I can indeed be of service here, that this project happens to coincide with creative media that I personally want to expand on in my creative practice... All this alignment is dizzying. When I think of it, just for a moment, my Cup is so, so full.

And knowing I can tap into this feeling of gratitude at any time is also a blessing. Whenever I need to remember that I matter, that I can make a difference, and whenever I need to quiet voices of anxiety within, I can come to this understanding. I am here. It is well.

Tonight is our kickoff. Some preparation for sacred space within myself, so that I can radiate this from me, is in order. I'm going to light a stick of dragon's blood incense and go have a cleansing shower. I'll use frankincense and myrrh soap for grounding and a salt scrub to clear my energy centers. Then I'll make a cup of dandelion root tea and slip into a guided Higher Self meditation. And after that I'll work in my art journal, just for pleasure.

Just about one year ago today I was on a bus to Washington, DC, to become one more voice of millions in protest of our governmental administration's inherent bigotry, based on white supremacist capitalist hetero-patriarchy. This year in memorial, I'll be making art as a collective force for good in my community. Grassroots change is lasting impact. And thank the Divine that this is so; that there are so many ways to resist.

 

One

Essay: August 5, 2017

I’ve been resisting writing for this site, even though I am a writer “first.” Meaning, it is what comes most naturally. It has always been the medium of expression I turn to without consideration.

I think my resistance comes from lately being in a space where my gifts are converging and I can’t stop it. My desire to compartmentalize my talents, passions, spirituality, career, and my life remains strong, but my ability to do so is coming to an end.

I am just me. Artist, activist, Earth-worshiper.

I’m always getting into something new. An endless rotation of different books from the library; fiction and non. Various mediums of expressive experimentation.  New movements, new connections, new flavors. New paths to explore spiritually. And, Goddess bless, always, always always new modalities for healing.

I’m figuring myself out and I surprise myself every day.

What’s at the core is my desire to heal and serve my community.

To heal myself in order to heal my community.

I will let the rest arise as beautiful instances of joy.

Painting, writing, performing, facilitating, guiding, divining Truth.

Always creating.

It’s time simply to begin. I’ve lately made a practice of saying yes to what opportunities scare me the most. Embracing roles and responsibility that I don’t quite yet feel qualified for. When that voice in my head (one I’ve affectionately named “Mags,” short for “Magpie”) begins with “Who am I to…???”

My higher self bids me : Yes. Say yes. Just do it.

For we are all student teachers. And we all have something we can share to help others on their journeys, even as we navigate our own. A freeing concept; a new- paradigm  framework of leadership I absorbed while in an intensive led by Angelique Arroyo. 

***

 Alchemy: as above, so below. As within, so without. Micro to macro, from the dinner table to the White House.

This world is where we live right now, in that putrid “unholy trinity” of white supremacy, patriarchy, and Christianity.  And this is why I’m choosing to say yes even when I’m scared.

Because it’s not about me anymore. This isn’t about whether I’m “enough” and it isn’t about my comfort zone. I am a champion for my own expansion, yes, because what I gain will be shared. I don’t have time to shrink back. There’s work to do so we may rise together. Time for shields up, boots, masks, and gloves on. Time to prime spaces and future generations to sow only what serves highest love. When offered these opportunities, the answer is always Yes.