Preparing: a prayer.

Let this not be a time of going back to sleep.
It's so easy to be lulled into what's "comfortable,"
after a life-storm.
Decisions I've made have not come without
consequence. My decision to go to Tending the
Threshold has not wrought simplicity in my
personal life.


My body is somewhat in protest. Particularly my
right knee and shoulder.
Something in my mouth, too. A sore. Plus
my jaw, clench, click, release.
Always returning to the jaw, my rage, my right,
my fear: to speak.

I've got to stop holding it all in.

I'm scheduled for an energy healing session tonight.
So ready.
After that, I'm headed to the airport, to Oregon.

I'm showing up for Tending the Threshold,
which is a conference dedicated to coming
together over the pain of our times. It will be
about healing, but not about fixing.
It will be about feeling, and tapping into,
practicing new paradigms of relationship.

May we recognize our differences, as people,
and honor them, knowing we have much to
learn from what we, as people, would say is
"not me."

And may we own what is ours, when we say it is
"not ours."

May we grieve and come undone, and re-weave
what is still true and good after the process, in activation of that Arachne medicine.

May we not avoid conflict for the sake of a
preened peace, but engage in healthy conflict
for a sustainable peace in Truth.
In this way, we integrate.
This is how I integrate.
This is my deepest prayer, for myself.
May I engage in healthy conflict for sustainable
peace in Truth.

Since I have booked my flight and motel room
for this conference, I've been still resistant in
my mind.
Coming up with ways in which I'd find myself
geographically there, but couldn't go through
with showing up, in full Brianna force, for the
work.
One coughing fit and:
 "oh, I feel a respiratory thing coming on"
or "my mouth hurts in one particular spot;
what if I need emergency dental care?"

So. Energy healing tonight, with Health by Hillary
at Haylo Healing Arts Studio. To get at some
of what's ailing me (it's in the body, as a LAST
stop.)
And this begs me to question: how do I want
to show up to Tending the Threshold?
-fed
-well-rested
-grounded
-connected to the something greater than myself
which brought me there
-in dedication to Love and Justice
-as a student-teacher
-vulnerable


I trust I will be in a safe space,
supportive of vulnerability as a radical act in these
strange times of living on Earth, our dying planet.

And I will also show up all three days in a state of
wonder, which can translate to awe.
I intend that I will not pretend
to seem as though "I'm cool," or that "I have it
all figured out."
I hope I feel comfortable enough to geek
out and show all of my Self, even the parts
that make me feel silly.
 I'm a spring
Lamb.
This kind of event,

while in alignment with
all ways I wish to move about in the world, and
in alignment with years of my own previous
studies in realms of Sociology, social justice
work, the occult, embodiment,
and in line with my own
Earth-based animism as spiritual practice,

this event will be so new. To count myself among
the folks whose work I follow and admire will
be so new. To work with. To converse.

Putting myself on that plane at that conference:
This is another way I'll be looking at myself to
take responsibility for being a leader.
Which remains, daily, the most difficult thing I
ever do.
But,
"someone has to take responsibility for being
a leader." -Toni Morrison

And so that is my call. To do this in the ways I am
able to, in the ways that are most impactful
to my own community.

Where can I affect greatest change for those
hurting?
I'm here, on this planet
to Tend the Threshold, this time of collapse,
of a society caving in on itself,
to find out
what makes it tic, how
to ease the suffering.
 And then do it.